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Toronto International Carnival
For Dummies
copyright to the webmistress (yuh ole teef)
Whole
year ah waiting fuh de season. Ah was exercising an' passin' de roti shop
straight all winter. Yuh know how dem mas makers does make some chinky chinky
costume, right? Well dis year ah decide to lose some size an' buy a ‘medium’
instead of a size ‘oh guuude’.
Ah
have mih business plan up. Ah goin’ in all de mas camps tuh see who have what
an’ see who ah playin’ wid. Ah buyin’ mih boat ride and King and Queen
Show ticket in de earlies, an’ ah will be most present de Saturday morning fuh
de Parade.
Since
all yuh eleck mih Queen Macoomeh of de Worl’, I decide to write some rule
an’ regalation tuh help all yuh enjoy my Carnival.
King
and Queen Show (August 1st, 2002)
1.
Please remain seated unless all patrons
are standing to applaud or dance.
Translation:
If
yuh block mih I will hit you one hard calpet behine yuh duncey head and den boof
yuh.
2.
Dress informally. Ensure your clothes are comfortable and suitable.
Translation:
If
you dress like a Christmas tree or a country bookie, ah go point and laugh.
3. Try not to save too many seats for
others. We are all there to enjoy the costumes and have a good time.
Translation:
If
you an’ yuh million fren want to pack up in de place, come early an’ siddong.
Stop squeezing mih awf mih blinking seat! Las’ year dis woman save a whole row
and she fren an’ dem din come.
4. To those Mas builders who present
costumes that fall apart, we patrons will understand and still recognize your
efforts.
Translation:
Ah
go boo yuh. Come off de stage!
5.
Please be considerate of others when using the facilities.
Translation:
Do
fuh gawd sake bade and put on clean drawers before yuh come! Oh gawd and flush
and wash yuh han’ nuh! SHIMS!
6.
All are welcome to the event at Lamport Stadium.
Translation:
Bring
de twenty dollars and stop tryin’ tuh storm, yuh blinkin’ fowl teef!
The
Parade (August 3rd, 2002)
1. All registered mas camps are listed
with the TMBA headquarters. Please obtain a map of the camps and visit as many
as you can.
Translation:
Buy
a costume an’ stop jumpin’ in my ban’ free!
2.
Be careful in choosing the size and colour to suit your figure.
Translation:
You
do not look like Halle Berry twin sister. Doh fool yuhself.
3.
Wear a good sun screen to protect you from over exposure.
Translation:
Who
ever tell yuh black people doh get sun burn lie! Yuh could look like a tolum but
still damage yuh skin. Use yuh head nuh man!
4.
Keep yourself well hydrated.
Translation:
Babash
is not water, puncheon is not water. If yuh in de sun whole day an’ doh drink
water yuh might dead.
5.
If this is your first time in the parade, do as the natives do.
Translation:
Last
year dis man nearly jook out mih eye wid he standard. Doh wave it back and fort,
wave it up an’ dong, chupidy!
6.
Take nothing seriously and have a WONDERFUL time!
Translation:
If
ah mash yuh foot doh feel no how, but if your man hole me an’ jumping up,
quarrel wid he not me.
I
hope I have been helpful in outlining certain of the basic do’s and
don’t’s of enjoying the Toronto International Festival.
I
am looking forward to leaving the cares and worries of the world for a few hours
and indulging in the healing that only an event like this can provide. It is
impossible to stand still or remain sad when Carnival hits the streets and
amazing colours overtake Toronto. No one can withstand the earthy pull of the
Steelpan or the heady influence of Soca. We have North America’s Best
Carnival! Come, bring your friends and let us “Restore the Pride” in 2002!