An Open letter to

De Young People

(Part One)

copyright to the webmistress (yuh ole teef)

Listen nuh, between you and me, I know it not easy eh, buh leh Tantie Macoomeh tell yuh one 'a two tings.

Yuh feel nobody understan’ yuh ent? Mammy always quarellin’ fuh nuttin and daddy only tellin’ yuh to lower de CD player or get off de phone. Ah know. Ah know how mammy buyin’ clothes fuh yuh to wear like yer in a nunnery. Everyting outta style and de washecong doh have Nike mark on it. She wouldn' leh yuh wear dem short shorts wid de side split. After all, yuh young, yuh have a nice figure, why not show it, right? Jes becaw SHE ole and zug up doh mean YOU cah wear your ting!

An’ as if dat not enough, dey wouldn’ even leh yuh pierce yuh nabel or get a tattoo mark "Demon Seed" on yuh forrid. An’ is your own blinkin’ forrid!!

Dey always want tuh know where yuh goin’ as if is dere business. Dey want to know who callin’ yuh on de phone. Dey want tuh know where yuh was, comin’ een so late. Dey want tuh know whey yuh frens livin’ and who dere mudda is. Dey wouldn’ even self give yuh a big fat CHANCE!

What do dem?

Ah know. Is like dey take joy in makin’ your young life miserable. Look at daddy. Always wantin’ to drop you off by de tearter and see who yuh going een wid and de udda day mammy come in school jes so to see how yuh doin’ in class and to talk wid yer teacher. She fas’ eh?

Jes becaw yuh had one or two low marks in Mats and yuh like to read "Teen Commess" and "Rap Fuh So" doh mean dey should mine yer business. Jes becaw de fella yuh like does wear he pants hengin' down, showin he Tommy Hilfiger jockey shorts or de girlfren yuh have does wear too much makeup, she bra strap always showing under de tree-quarter halter-top doh mean dey could barge een yuh life!

My mammy and granmudda use tuh do me de same foolishness. Every five minutes dey aksin’ mih mih business. If ah did only miss mih penny out mih dollar and bring home low marks is a set ‘a noise. No fella who come to pick mih up to go out could play he blowin’ horn from de road. He had was to come inside and show manners and all kine ‘a ole fashion chupidness. I was vex!

Yuh know what end up happen’ to me? I en’ up wid a reputation for not bein’ a knock-about. Ah en’ up leaving school wid honours, ah en’ up gettin’ respeck even before ah open mih mout jes by who ah does heng out wid. Mih bra strap and half slip never showing an’ ah fine ah husband who does wear he pants on he hip. Ah en’ up never seein’ trouble to fine a job becaw ah have ah good edumakasion and ah never go outside looking rample-up.

Raisin’ one ‘a allyer is no joke nuh. Ah now fine’in dat out fuh mihself. When allyer born nobody does remember to han’ parents de owner’s manual. De doctor does just chook allyer in we han’ and say ‘Heh’. So sometimes we does make mistake and some ‘a we yes, too miserable by weself. Mammy miserable now but she was small once upon a time. She wasn’t born big and she awready try half dem skulls you tryin’ now. Dat is how she know when yuh makin’ mischief. Daddy know what dem young boy only callin’ you on de phone for and dat is why he watching yuh like a hawk. Boat ‘a dem know how hard it is to fine a work if yer doh finish school good. Dat is why dey only in yer skin about homework homework like a broken record.

De bossman not goin’ to hire you becaw yuh good lookin’, an’ if he do, yuh better doh drop a five cents and look to pick it up (leh mammy explain dah one). If all you learn in school is what makeup to wear and how high yer skirt could go, yuh go fine dat wouldn' look good on yuh resume. If you bounce een to a interview wearing yer cap turn backward and de ban’ ‘a yer Calvin Kline drawers showin’, yuh not goin’ to get de job. I promise yuh dat. De habits yuh makin’ now go stick on you like a Walmart panty, so yuh better had make good ones.

Leh mih make some more promise. Ah promise yuh yuh wouldn' dead from mammy quarellin'. Yuh not goin' tuh dead from daddy droppin' yuh off and pickin' yuh up at a decent hour. Yes girl, ah know it embarrassin' to have mammy come wid yuh when yuh wid yuh frens. She feel she young. An' boy it hard to be a big man like you and have daddy tellin' yuh to haul up yuh pants and stop talkin' to dem jailbud frens in school. Ah know. But ah promise yuh yuh goin' to get big an' yuh go see dat most 'a dis nonsense dey doing is not jes to terrorize yuh life. Dey doing it because dey know some tings dat you cah see yet. Dey doing it becaw dey know yuh go bounce up some people who go try an’ take yuh buh doh bring yuh back.

Leh mih stop fuh now before ah write too much in one sittin'. But Tantie Macoomeh have more tuh say nex’ time, good?