Doh laugh nuh

By

ME

copyright to the webmistress (yuh ole teef)

Last night ah ketch a vapse!!

I decide I running for public orfice!

I going an’ write a sollycitor letter to all the world leaders and akse dem please if I could run the world. Oh gorm doh laugh nuh? I figger out I cah do any worse dan dey doing. I have a plan mark down in a copybook. I write it in lead in case ah have to rub out anyting. I fine de bes’ man for de job is a woman and de bes’ woman for de job is me and the de bes’ ting about me is I is a Trini!

Hear nuh, it go be good. I not duncey. I could rule de world. I have experience. Doh laugh nuh. Lemmeh explain mihself. Stop laughing and listen nuh man!! You see why I doh like to tell you nuttin? Everyting is a joke for you. Everyting is "kik kik kik". Why you doh hush your mout ley people like yuh? You never had broughtupsy.

Firs’ to begin everybody hatta move out the cole and live where it have hot sun. Dis cole sun not right for people. It ent have NO cole country dat have a reputation for warm people. Right? Good. So my first ack as Queen of the World is to hire BWEE to fly everybody sout’. When we reach we could figger out who staying by who. We might have to add on to the house and look Guyana and Venezuela and Brazil have plenty land nobody en’ using.

Second to begin wid everybody hatta stop dis set of fighting. Trini doh fight. We does get vex yes and pelt one or two bottle but we does always miss. I confiscating all pow pow and tanks and plane what does drop out bomb from the flooring. If you has nothing to fight wid, you might decide to do something else wid yuh time, like plant a tree or teach you chile to fly a cheekie-chong.

Talking about chirren. My real firs’ firs’ ack is to make dem more important to the world dan dey is. People does treat dey pot hound better. I see a show where one set of ugly people wid a set ah dog looking just like dem combing dem and kissing dem and I turn a channel an’ hear ‘bout some kiss-mih-arse man who teef some neighbour chile and do away wid she. De muddar was in a bar drinking, de fadder entertainin’ guest. I locking up all man jack in de same cell. Leh dem kill one anudda and save me de money for the henging.

An’ ah henging oui? Yes man! Stop all dis plea for insanity and plea for amnesia and plea for all kinda stupidness. I firing all de lawyers. If you playing bahjohn, I sendin’ you up by Mudder Beulah down in Arima who does see ting. If she drop dat black cloth on you, I henging. No judge no jury. Just call dat George.

An’ doh play you packing up my court wid divorce case nidda. I dividing everyting down de middle. Doh come and tell me he owe you dis and dat. How you gi he 9 chirren and now BRAPS he want to leave you. Look how you keeping yourself! Who tell you to stop looking sprooksy? An’ mister Man who tell you de wife like to come home an’ fine you siddong on yuh backside wid yuh foot cockup waiting, watching Bayrum and nothing on de stove? Boat of allyuh working, why you cah cook too?

An’ as far as cooking, I closing every blessed McDonalds. Why? Because ah opening Roti shops instead. Roti have more in it dan dose dry, hard back, so-called beef patties wid bread dat tas’ing funny and all dem people in the back dey only coughing coohoom coohoom.

Ah might even have a bram by me. Nobody will be allow to call police if ah Trini having a bram by dem. If yuh not invited it mean you too ting up and should see 'bout yuhself.

So I could call on you for ah vote?

MACOOMEH FOR QUEEN!!

Ah should ring Sally and akse if he could bring out ah section in dat. Ah have more write down in mih copybook but ah have to leave it 'till next time.