What if? 

By 

Queen Macoomeh

Copyright June 2007

I take my farse self and was on de people internets today reading de news and ting. I went on a Caribbean message board and I see dis question; “What if Jesus came back today?”

Ah pass de topic straight bout ten times eh? Because ah know when you start to talk religion, people does get dey Kmart drawers in a uproar. Name calling does start. Believers getting vex, non-believers cah believe de believers believe. Some start to pray fuh yuh immoral soul if you question certain tings, uddas want to excommunicake you, uddas again start to tell you bout yuh tantie, yuh mammy and two of yuh cousins.

I never see ting so. De ONE ting what should draw we togedda as a people, does have we break apart bad bad. Some believers only believe on Saturdays or Sundays. Some does get on like submarine believers - dey does only surface at Christmas and Easter. Some again only believe one ting and if you playing mad and offer a next idea, dey feel you come straight from de devil drawing room. Every man jack preaching love and tolerance eh? But ready to lick awf yuh head.

Den de non believers who know everyting and want to tell you how you chupid to have yuh bible or yuh Koran close. Dey could give you chapter and verse about de teary of evolution and de Big Bang but cah tell yuh who bang de bang. Dey want you believe yuh come from nutting and get vex if you believe yuh come from someting.

So I siddong and consider de question. In troot. If Jesus was to come back today self, what go happen?

Well we done know if CNN get involve, it go be ruction. Dey go check He boat paper and fine out He not a Christian, He is ah Arab and a Jew on toppa dat. Dey go send camera crew all in Bethlehem to fine out who He mudda, fadda, nen-nen and primary school teacher was. Dey go call He de Axis of whatever it is dey fine out. When dey fine out He make a jail for crimes against de government, dey go have a ball. Den to hear He went party and make water to wine? Well is now de commess start.

Could you imagine Jesus turning up in JFK airport wid He twelve partners? Tirteen mid eastern men? What you tink might happen in troot?

Or if he was to apply fuh a visay fuh Canada. Well according to de immigration law here, He go be deny entry. He have ah criminal record. So dey go do like how dey do Winnie Mandela and refuse He application ent? It din matter to dem dat she is now ah symbol of freedom fighting and women’s rights. Dey tell we de law is de law. Criminals not allow in here. It doh matter dat you and me know it have criminals coming in an’ living de high life right here in dis country. Dem is high class criminal wid money. When Paris Hilton come out jail and she fadda want to send she up here to recover, ah wonder if she might get troo? De same way she leave de jail wid ‘unspecified ailments’, she might get troo to come here because she have ‘unspecified millions’.

But leh we say he get he papers stamp and come Canada. He cah look to have no meetings and preach. Dey watching He close. He have carpentry skills but cah get work because He have no Canadian experience. He go end up delivering pizza or driving airport taxi.

Doh laugh. Dat is de world we come to now. De racial and religious profiling. My Gawd/Allah/Yahwey/Jehovah better dan yours. My skin colour nicer dan yours. I better dan you. I say potayto, you say potarto so you muss be wrong! Any excuse not to see eye to eye so we taking ah eye for ah eye. 

When I bounce up people who believe or doh believe but peaceful and enduring, dem is de people I want around me and meh family. Any colour, any religion as long as you respecking me and mines, I could deal wid you. I not forcing meh belief on you, doh force yours on me. I knows dat I knows not, but I knows dat living peaceable does make meh heart glad so is so I going troo.

So what you tink? What if Jesus was to come back today in troot? What if he din look like you, had a accent and was ah immigrant?

 What if he was a Black Woman?

Ah jes aksin eh?