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Caribana Costume snaps over here so Open Letter To Tout Monde Part One By Queen Macoomeh
Copyright August 2007
I not in no sou-sou wid all yuh eh, so ah talkin plain in here today. Ah sharin licks an praise from top to bottom, lef to right an all inbetween. Hear meh lyrics. I never, in all meh years goin to King an Queen show in Lamport, ever see so much people! From Nort to Sout side in de stands was pack, de beer tent was pack, de VIP tent was pack, all behine de DJ was pack. De show start lil late but still widdin reason. De ticket was $35 dollars eh? So ah hope when time to count de money, dem doh come an tell we dey din make no profit. De problem was, dat even after de place was pack, dey was still sellin ticket. So people pay de stiff $20 to park, de stiffer $35 to come een an cah fine nowhere to put dey bamsee. So is $55 plus gas or bus ticket we spen to reach Lamport. Some patrons come from udda countries so is plane ticket to add up. Ah know dey want to make a profit but dey have to remember de consumer. Dey sellin we cat in bag when dey allow more people to come dan dey have room for. Dey not usin de wes side of de stadium so dey have to count up de capacity fuh de east side an sell ticket to suit. Den dey have to add een dem illegal immigrant who come inside widdout payin a red cent. Ah notice some small small costume wid four fedda come een but nine people was holding each one of dem four fedda. We have seniors an chirren comin to de event so ah fine dey could well ease dem up wid de ticket price. It hurtful to see we seniors an lil ones jam up in de crowd an cah see de show even doh dey put out de $35. If is one ting ah go make a jail for is how we treat we ancestors. As fuh de mas makers. Lemme take in front to say dat I admire all yuh bad bad. I cah even make up meh bed an comb meh head too good but all yuh does make up some costume dey - papa-yo! Yuh take lil wire an clawt an ting an make masterpiece! No lie! All now so if yuh han meh a piece-ah wire an 2 sequin I still stannin up in de yard like a beh-beh doh know what to do. All yuh ting does have meh whole soul vibratin wid pride an wonder. Yuh have imagination an vision an skill to beat back all oui. But - an ah sayin ‘but’ wid all due respeck eh? Some of all yuh startin to give we a six fuh a nine. Listen good eh? We like de pretty mas, we like de big mas an ting but ah fine some of de big costumes lookin same way every year fuh de lass few years. De judges givin yuh win eh? An we bawlin ray an clappin but doh feel we doh remember what we see las year. Ah know material an goods to make costume expensive but we not chupid. We want to see yuh lash we wid newness an spectacle. We depennin on you fuh dat. Dis year ah see a king costume come back as a Queen costume. I din know mas costumes does have gender crisis too! Yuh jes change de colour dry so? Ay ay. One or two look like dey din even change de colour, dey only change who carryin de costume. An is years yuh builin costumes. Why it breakin on stage? Yuh use scotch tape or wha? As a competitor yuh muss try on yuh costume an dance it a few times during de days before yuh come to Lamport. Some people look like dey rush from work to see dey costume fuh de firse time dat night. If yuh costume break, doh stop dancing, doh stop smiling, keep going as doh dat piece was supposed to fall off. De crowd go love yuh same way even if yuh doh win. Oh gorme an some of all yuh have to learn how to dance man. Ah chuts. De chune sweet an jumpy an you goin outta time. it doh look good. An smile nuh? One or two look as doh somebody mash dey foot jes before dey get on stage. Dey face set up like rain. A simple ting as a smile could make a difference. Some watchin dey foot, some starin in space. LOOK AT DE JUDGES, make eye contack, wave to de audience, laugh, smile, connect wid we. Dis is not a museum! It have one queen dey, ah go call she name because is years I watching dat lady dance she mas sweet. Lenore Caterson who was in Belasco ban. De woman does light up she costume wid she smile, she does dance she mas like she an de costume is one. She not meh gawdmudda. I doh know de lady but ah givin Jack he jacket an Ursula she washicong. De lady does own she stage an take she time to manoeuvre an show she expertise. Some uddas - oh meh Lawdoh, dey does be fightin wid de poor costume. Time yuhself onstage. Yuh music stop an you still in de middle of de stage an have to walk off like Sad Sack. You know how much time yuh have, move to suit nuh? A man who does well mash up de place too is Ronny DeVignes from Errol Achue ban. Win or lorse de man does wuk up he mas an bring de crowd in a uproar. Yuh have to do dat. Is you we come to watch, not de judges. Is you who is de star for how ever many minutes yuh have on stage. Dat stage is yours an you must look like yuh comfertebble in yuh mas. Las year I see a man had ching gum in he mout while he on stage in a King costume. An he chewing wid he mout open eh? What de france is dat? We need a bigger stage! Ah tired saying so. I doh know what de expense is, so is easy fuh me to stop quite here an say make it bigger, but some of dem costume is all kinda 40 and 50 feet wide so if you coming wid all dat den yuh better had know how to control yuh property. Know whey yuh wheels is on yuh costume so it doh capsides. Make de blooming costume fuh de person carrying it. A costume cah be toppling over! Make it to move. Yuh want big mas den learn de dynamics. Is a simple ratio not so? No ah never make a mas before but you is be master in dat not me! An dis business of shootin cornfetti. Yes it look nice, ah like to see it too. But de nex costume to come after you, want your cornfetti sweep up. Imagine on a stage dat big, wid no time to spare, dey had ONE blessed person sweepin up tousands of cornfetti. An she sweeping agains de win. Dahlin no. Yuh spittin in de sea. Save yuh energy. Tell dem to get you a leaf blower. Go by Canadian Tire an tell dem to len yuh 2 leaf blower. Tell Canadian Tire dey have to sponsor dat uddawise we go bad talk dem. We outgrow Lamport. Ah not aksing yuh, ah tellin yuh! Fine some place else fuh we to damblay we mas! Give we Exhibition Stadium, give we Rogers Centre, give we a proper venue nuh man! Better yet stop de kiss-meh-arse bobol an buil we own Caribana Exhibition Stadium! Shims! Ah went to de temple de Hindu people buil up in highway 27 an Finch. Dey make de parts in India an bring it here to. Oh goode it nice! It take dem 4 years or someting so. We have Caribana fuh FORTY kiss-meh-upper-thigh years an we still begging lodgin. Ah gettin ole, ah mighten see a next 40 years in Caribana. Do someting before ah close meh eye nuh? As fuh de bra an panty mas in de parade. Steupse. Give we two or tree section in dat but de res could be better not so? Ah tired seeing bra an panty. Dat is not mas. Doh let Canada feel dat is all we have. Ah givin Jessie Matthews big ups fuh dat. She does give we tear’ta in de street, some drama an dance wid plenty clawt an she does make sure de lil chirren get chance to dingolay. But some mas bans is only wave after wave of underwears. Ah cah fugget de volunteers doh. Gorme all yuh is boss oui. Ah watch all yuh in dat wicked heat, movin up an dong to try an get wayward, harden an deaf people to move, 'doh block dey, pass so, wait dey'. Oh gooode! All yuh good! An den de settin up, clearin up, sharin out. Not every body telling yuh tanks but I comin here today to say tanks to all all yuh – exceptin one. One woman get on as if she eat razor blade before she leave she house dat mornin. Lawd have His Mercy. She was security in Magliore ban an I dey wid meh proper identification tag takin snaps. Ah not interferin wid a soul. All in a sudden like she brassiere string buss an de woman start boofin me hard like I teef she white fowl tellin me to get out she ban. Dahlin via con Dios oui - you cah be doin dat job an not know how to talk to big people. My job is to expose meh culture to de worl, take snap and show outsiders how we does handle weself. You can be getting on like a settin hen so, Dais all I have to say. Why she choose me to expose she bachak ways to, I will never know. By de way, Magliore, yuh see dat orange fowlcoob net ting yuh had dey? Retink dat nuh? As fuh de Pan Alive show. Well, dat is a whole epistle by itself yes. Ah have licks to share fuh dat but ah cah talk everyting now. Ah go finish de verse nex week.
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