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La Vida Loco By Queen Macoomeh
Copyright October 2007
Doh laugh eh all yuh but I feel ah goin awf. One day soon dey go bring a court case agains me oui. Why I say so? Well lately ah fine ah havin some cantankerous feelins. Ah go boof somebody bad an doh care. Ah feel I on de wrong planet. De mudda ship drop me here an never come back. Hear meh lyrics. It have a man livin nex door by me. He does leave to go to wuk at half pass five in de mornin. At dat hour I still bury underneat meh coverlet, expressly now dat it getting cole. Ah have a good hour before ah have to get up so yuh know de sleep sweet. Meh family still sleepin, meh lil baby girl wrap up in she blanket. Dis goodly man would get up to go to work. Dat is not de problem eh? We all does have to get up to start we day. But dis man does go to work on a Harley Davidson motorbike. All yuh ever hear dem bike? Who ever design dat engine was harda hearing. De ting song like a bull dozer. When he start up dat bike at half pass five, meh plate does rattle an ah does jump out meh sleep like soucouyant bite meh. And is like he does drag he bike under meh bed head because as he turn dat ting on it does song like it in meh lef ears. Why people does do dem ting? He figure since he up, de whole neighbourhood have to get up too? An he doh jes ease out he driveway eh? He does let de bike idle on high for ten minutes den he does gun de motor an mince dong he driveway gunnin it, den gun it two more time before he pelt out in de road. By de time he reach dong de road, I fully awake and ready to buss two cuss. If all yuh get de headline news one day dat Queen Macoomeh get arress fuh haulin she nightie over she head an trowing some big kick and cuff behine a man head yuh go know why. Ah go jam all meh rollers up dat exhaust pipe he have dey. Doh say ah din tell all yuh meh intentions. Ah goin to commit hasecara. No man. Dat cah be Christian what he doing dey. An den when people lorse dey lass marble dey want to say is we who mad but some people does over do de ting man an push yuh over de edge. Shims! Ah going by de shop an rent five young fridge speakers an a 8,000 watt generator an when de clock strike tree am ah going to buss a tassa in he tail den two chune by Destra. No man doh laugh. Dem is ting to make people get on bad. I would never do you dat. Is not dat ah fraid yuh, is dat ah have manners. I know dat it not right to be disturbin de whole place at dat hour. Even in de night after a certain hour ah does lower dong meh music even doh it too far fuh de neighbour to hear. So why dis man doh know dat? People livin fuh deyself nowadays eh? Not me nuh. People too weird deze days. Ah keeping meh head dong but if dat neighbour of mines fine he Harley Davidson mash up one day, he better doh come an akse me nutting Look yesterday ah was in de bakery. A lady order a cake and come to pick it up. Apparently de cake had de wrong colour icening. Eef you see how dis woman get on wid de baker! You would swear de cake was make from mud an raza blade. De baker say ‘maam sorry, let me take it in the back and fix it’. De woman still talkin at de top of she mout carryin on about cake icenin. Is icening on a cake fuh a four year old chile party. Is not a blood transfusion! How she wudda get on if it was really important? If you was de baker and take de cake in de back, what you might-ah do wid de cake? Anyway lemme hush before ah get vex an go outside behine dat man..
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