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Internets Etiketty By Queen Macoomeh
Copyright July 2007
All yuh does use de internets? Dasheen Bush call it de internets – somebody tell he it have more dan one – so I start to say internets too. I figure if a man as dotish as he could make President den who is me? I could make Queen of de Worl’, not so? Mammy make meh study meh books an’ finish school. *steupse* If she did only know ah din have to finish wid good marks and all now I cudda be Presidentess of de Uninformed States of Amnesia. Anyway, where I was? Yes dis internets ting have plenty uses. I does do all meh work on it, all meh writing, keep meh appointments, read de news. But on de same han’ dis internets business go make me get on real bad one day soon. Hear meh lyrics. Just as in actial life, it have ways to do tings and ways not to do tings. Yuh still getting it do eh? But yuh getting it do respeckable and efficient. Now. If I come by you and say “Gladys, I want you help meh do such and such.” You say aight but ah have to akse Mabel and Doris to help me to help you.” We make we plan, we invite Mabel and Doris to meet we and all four of we do we do. But on de internets now, I email you and say “Gladys, ah want you help me do such and such.” Next ting I know, you sen’ email by Mabel and Doris, dem two email ten of dey frens, den dem ten email a nex’ forty. When you hear de shout, I getting a email wid nine hundred names on it saying how Queen Macoomeh lorse she wuk and need everybody to buy two panty in Walmart for she. Dat is a lotta drawers even for me. Study yuh head nuh? When you senning email, MOVE de blooming udda people name. It take two minute. Shims man. It have wotless people out dey who does teef email address and use it fuh all kinda simi-dimi. Dat is how you does end up getting someting call ‘spam’ or worse again, yuh getting virus. It have people who have computers but doh realize de machine pack up wid virus. Dey emailing Rufus, Sherma and Beharry and spreading de virus. You have to check yuh computer regular. Buy ting to proteck yuh property. Ent you have a lock on yuh car door and yuh house? Same monkey pants. It have Norton Anti-Virus, McAfee and more. Buy it. Your one little computer dat you pay troo yuh nose to Future Shop for could cause big problems for you and udda people. De same way when you meet de fella in a Glow Fete and take he home, ent yuh does make he wear a condominium? Well de anti-virus ting on de computer working de same way. Is to perteck you from lorsing all yuh business and infecking udda people. If you doesn’ make de fella wear a condominium den you have more problems dan I could help wid. Dat is bare madness. Dey should jail you and he, even if all yuh plead insanitary. And to besides, if you buy de Norton or de McAfee anti-virus in 2003, doh expeck it to be working good here in 2007. Every day some mirasme, ugly, no neck fool making a new virus to mash up people computer. So every day you have to check to make sure yuh anti-virus ting up to date. Yuh cah afford to be too innocent deze days - sad but troo. Nowadays you have to watch yuh contents because it have people who doh even want to teef yuh ting dey jes want to mash up what you wuk hard to buy. And den to add insult to injury, dem computer people look like dey makin de computers from matchbox an kite paper. Someting always goin wrong. Is like dey makin sure dey have a job for life wid fixin yuh poor computer. Advantage never done?
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