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Goin to meet Bazil By Queen Macoomeh
Copyright October 2007
So dey finally doin someting about dem crazy drivers on de road eh? All yuh read in de news how it have a new law in Ontario now? Dahlin dey lock up plenty people dis week fuh drivin dey car or motorbike too farse or fuh primpin up dey motorcar so it could go farser. Dey ketch a fella doin nearly 200kph on he motocycle. He feel he was Superman step chile or what? But wid dis new law now, yuh gettin lock up or yuh car gettin tow at de cost of $1000, or a $2000 to $10,000 fine in yuh skin. Dey call it de “Safer Roads for a Safer Ontario Act”. Ah want a nex law like dat to lock up every politician who does lie. We go call dat de “Take Dat In Yuh Pweffen Ack”. Ah like to drive farse doh eh, ah woon lie to you - expressly when ah vex. When ah vex ah does jes feel to jam meh foot dong on de gas until ah put it troo de floorin. But I know dat a car is a weapon, so as much as ah want to speed ah does take meh time. Ah might push a lil 10 or 15 klicks over de limit on de highway doh. Yuh see dat 407? Ah want to make meh name dere bad yuh know. Ah does have to talk hard to mehself to ease up an doh play de fool to speed on dat road. But it so wide an clear, a madness does want to overtake meh but ah does cool it. When ah drivin in tong ah does mine meh business doh. De taxi drivers on Bay Street tryin to kill me an de pedestrian by Spadina an Queen want me to mash dem, so ah does drive wid meh two eye open an take meh time. But I does see some people, papa-yo. One time I on de 407 goin my way doin a decent number. Since de day ah learn to drive ah give mehself de habit to trow a eye, every 10 to 15 secons on meh rear view jes in case ah have to shif farse. Ay ay. I check meh mirrors an din see nuttin. Ah put on meh indicator to move to meh lef to overtake somebody. Ah was half way in de passin lane when ah hear “WHOOSH!” an see dis lil yellow Honda like a sanfly, flash pass me on my lef. He was half in de passin lane an half in de shoulder to pass me. He hatta be doin some real numbers because meh car bigger an it still rock. Meh window was open an de breeze was so strong it nearly flip meh toupee over meh face fuss he was speedin! An den he immediately sail back across 4 lanes to go in de very nex exit. Dry so. Den it have some who does come up right behine you as if dey want to wine on yuh motorcar. Dey so close yuh could see de “Made in Jackass Land” stamp on dey forrid. Den dey whip out from behine to overtake you. De whole road clear but dey want to drive in your lane. Ah does see some uddas whippin in an out between de big trucks. But yuh see me an dem trucks? I respeck dem from afar papa. Not me an dem nuh. Once dey hit you, you goin to meet yuh Maker oui. De ambalance not goin to have much of you to pack in de van an de tow truck driver could trow what lef back from yuh car in he backseat. Dem trucks does be peltin down de road expressly on de 400. An when dem makin a lane change you cah argue or feel you have rightaway nuh. Dem comin troo an you better had move! But serious doh eh all yuh. Mine yuh business on de road. It doh have no where you have to reach dead, so slow dong. Watch out fuh dem mad people on de road. Let dem pass. Dey have to go an meet Bazil, let dem go, Doh leh dem take you wid dem. Leave home in enough time to get where yuh goin. Make time fuh dat jumbie traffic Toronto have. When yuh see dat truck comin move out he way, he doh have you to study. Doh say Queen Macoomeh din tell yuh.
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