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De Book of Commess By Queen Macoomeh
Copyright November 2007
All yuh realize is nearly seven years ah here in de people papers? Oh gooode! Seven years of bacchanal, ruction an ole talk. I say is only yesterday I start, but when I check de ting ah realize is so long in troot. Over de years people was tellin meh to put de stories in a book. Ah keep sayin no no all de time but ah ketch a vapse earlier dis year an do de book fuh real. Ah call it “Tales From Icebox Land” an it launchin in a couple weeks right here in tong. Papa-yo, I in ting! De lime go be on November 23rd at half pass 7 in de evenin by "A Different Booklist" on Bathurst Street jes rong de corner from Honest Eds. All yuh bade an come nuh? It go be plenty laugh. Meh clodes done press an ah promise mehself to comb meh head an put on some essence dat evenin. It gettin cole all now eh, so ah have to make sure an put on meh termal drawers even doh it does make meh look pluff. Seven years in troot eh boy. Ah laugh an cry an steupse plenty but it was wurt it. Ah remember when ah did newly start how a lady write an say she doh like de dialeck. She say how ah makin we look backward an illiterate. She akse if ah went to school. Ah tell she ah went to school long but not often. Ah have meh degree in Recess. Ah could never understan why people feel we talk is bad talk. What is good talk? Who it is we ‘lookin backward’ to? De talk an dialecks from de Caribbean pack up wid so much rich imagery an expression. Yuh could hear de Caribbean Ocean lappin up on de seashore when we talk. It en have nuttin else outside to match we steupse. We nation language full. De word “Ting” is a verb, noun, ajative, adverb an contraption in de pluperfeck tense. Yes, yuh could play polite an say “During the altercation, George struck Fredrick in the rear of the cranium” but is not until yuh say “Georgie trow two planass in Freddie tail PLATOW! an buss he head” dat yuh go realize Freddie was in Georgie house wid Mistress Georgie when Georgie reach home early from work one Friday afternoon. Over de years ah talk out all we business to put tings in de light. Ah get dat from meh departed grandmudda. She learn meh to seek de light. We community have some dark corners dat need fumigatin an dem cockaroach in dem dark corners gettin fat an comfetebble so ah light de flambeau. Ah get boof eh, but dais awright, meh back broad. So long as ah doh lie on nobody, I good. Ah does big up where ever ah see biggin up call for doh. An Lawd dis community have plenty to praise! Ay! From butcher to baker to candlestick maker, we have it in spades. When we put we mine to someting, we does be borse oui. We have entry-preners or how ever it call, who makin headway. We gettin licks from de overlord yes but yuh cah keep dong de Caribbean spirit. Yuh cah make steel widdout heat, so we takin it. But when yuh see we stan up, yuh better had back up eh, because yuh cah push we over again. Seven years boy. De worl gorn crazy an ah talk bout dat too. Is like de whole planet need a bush bart. Not dat half crack Dasheen Bush but a good cleansin. Dasheen Bush en right in he head at all. I feel he mudda used to drink an smoke de ting when she was makin he. Yuh could sen an tell he I say so. Den we here in Canada does get on like gazette paper in de breeze. When ever de US blow we does drif. We dollar is de highes I ever see in meh lifetime but de cash register doh seem to know dat so we still payin troo we nosehole. Dem fowl teef in Bank of Canada doh get tired? Why we have to be so expensive here? Dey tryin to get blood from stone. But ah make seven years an ah go keep goin till SHARE get fed up wid me. Tanks to de editor an staff fuh puttin up wid meh commess, tanks to all yuh fuh reading it. Come out on de 23rd leh we lime an bring de Ancestors in we midst to palaver an share a belly laugh. Doh say ah din invite yuh eh? Ashe! |
